I, Wife of Maeglin
by The Doctor's Bad Wolf
Summary: AU A historian of Middle Earth reveals the story of Maeglin Dark Elf and the secret kept for centuries reguarding his family. Why would Maeglin betray his cousin if there was not someone he cared for more? Flames and reviews welcome. MaeglinOC
1. Chapter 1

**Preface**

In Middle Earth there are recorders of history, and keepers of Lore. you might recognize some of their names. Erestor of Rivendell, Dínendal Vardamir of Lothlorien, and Itarildë Eärfalas of the Mirkwood and Findecáno Falassion of the Havens.

If none of these names are familiar I wouldn't worry over much, times have changed so totally over the centuries that many names are forgotten.

We are of a certain group of elves that is set apart for the setting down of histories. We are a strange bunch. Normally we have to be orphans and unmarried. However the latter part of these rules was changed because both Elrond and Itarildë wanted to marry, to Celebrian and Cirdan respectively. Erestor, Dínendal and I are the only ones who remain unattached.

We are spread among the realms and spend most of our time writing. I am the quiet rebel of the Scribes, and I don't apologize. Normally we would only record that history that concerns the elves. Sometimes this includes other races but more often then not, we leave other races to themselves. I rebel in the sense that I will record the doings of men and dwarves as much as our own people.

A dear friend of mine once said that the deeds of men would out last the works of elves. As I watch the Eldar leaving Arda in droves, I can't help but agree.

It falls on my shoulders, I'm still not sure why, to bring this lost history to the foreground. I search out the histories that have been forgotten and or lost in someone's vast moldy library. In some cases I bring out stories that have been carefully hidden in the passages of time, stories that can only now be told.

I sit in my library writing this another ship is departing for Valinor. Lord Celeborn finally admitting his sea longing and the three last Wardens going with him. As I gaze at them waiting patiently to enter the vessel, I am reminded of a story involving the Lord Celeborn and the first High March Warden of Lothlorien. Now there's a story waiting to be told.

I watch the ship pull away from the dock and see Cirdan unfurl the golden sails. In only any hour they will have disappeared from the horizon as the sunset on another day. I will write to Dínendal in Lothlorien and see if he will send me the volumes containing the history of Maeglin and Castiel of Gondolin. I think it is time that people were told the truth. After all, we should love the truth, and wouldn't those involved be learning the truth of as soon as the boat reaches the Blessed Realm?

_Dear Dinendal,_

_Greetings from the Havens of Cirdan. I would normally spend pages of the Havens gossip, but this time I decided that I would exactly ask for something in return. Please, in your next missive, include any volumes concerning Maeglin Dark Elf, and Castiel of Gondolin? I had purposed to commit the story to page at last._

_With all Respect,_

_H.B_

A week later a fat little package arrived from that recorder and I found a handful of letters, a few skinny histories of Gondolin and two journals inside. As I flipped through the first a letter fluttered onto the floor. Upon opening it I found the following.

_Dear Cruel One,_

_Bribery is a crime, and if I had any sense I wouldn't send these along. But you know how I like gossip, it does make such interesting reading! However, instead of keeping these pretty books hostage I entrust them to your care. The letters I found in some chests Celeborn left behind. Don't ask me what I was doing poking around the royal talon either! _

_Whatever are you doing in the Havens anyway? I thought you were in Gondor? Write soon._

_Hurriedly,_

_Dinendal Vardamir of Lothlorien …or what's left of it._

Poor Dinendal, he would never get over the loss of Galadriel. He often wrote, rather bitterly I might add, about her departure.

I returned to the volumes on my desk and upon inspection the first proved to be a short and concise retelling of the story. The language was pompous and proud, quite pretentious in verbiage and utterly dull. I am sure it has all the facts of the story and I would use it later, but first I separated the letters into piles by who wrote them. There was an interesting mix. Voronwë, Celeborn, Galadriel, Onduras, and even some by a healer from Nargothrond named Maeron.

Turning the slim leather journal over in my hands I opened it and began to read. The writing was childish and simple in the extreme, the writer could not have been more then fifty or sixty at the time. However, this was the journal of Castiel herself. At the bottom of the first page, at the end of the first entry was her name.

_Castiel, Of Gondolin, Wife Of Maeglin_

I found my favorite chair and settled in for a long evening read, keeping the dull volume, and letters by my side for cross reference. This may take longer then I thought.


	2. All was Madness

**Chapter One**

**In Which The Story Begins**

The tragedy of this story is the fact that nearly everyone involved is dead or has passed on to the Blessed realm. I had the honor of meeting Voronwë when I was very young, but he was ancient already and just finished the Swan boat to carry his family to Valinor. He struck me as quiet and powerful, but clouded with sadness. He was as elf that had seen more sorrow then any living being should.

But the first definite date in this tale is appended to a letter written by the Marnier to Tuor. It was an invitation to the Fall Festival. What such an event would have been in Gondolin I can only imagine.

_Dear Friend,_

_I assume you will be attending the Festival with His Majesty, and her Royal Highness Princess Idril. But I would ask that you don't forget an old friend and ignore me all evening. I have asked Castiel to come with me, and I ask that you dance with her an least once. The poor little thing is too shy for anyone else._

_Ronwë_

I dislike this shortening of the mariner's name, but it cannot be helped. His hand writing was very hard to decipher.

While this is the first mention of Castiel, it is not the beginning, but rather the midway point according to Castiel's own journal. Her account begins some months before Tuor and Voronwë found their way into the hidden city. Little mentions of her doings in the service of Idril, and here and there snippets of conversation with Maeglin.

It later becomes very clear that they knew each other extremely well. Castiel was a daughter of the house of the Heavenly Arch, and was a closecompanion of Idril even though she served as a maid.

An interesting point in the life of Castiel was the fact that she was mind blind. This is perhaps a slang term for a condition of mental inability. She, unlike her companions, could not reach others with her mind and vice versa. In such rare cases the parents are even unable to touch the baby's fea before birth, therefore when they are born things like gender are a surprise.

The only advantage to this is that she would be able to keep her own council. Not even mental torture could rest secrets from her. But in all cases it is still considered a handicap. Yet it would seem that one person could at least the first levels of her fea, this person was Maeglin. This is told in the following passage.

_Dark, mysterious, brutal. I love Maeglin Dark Elf as no other. I would never confess my love to anyone. _

_But he knows._

_By what means I can never know for no one else could read my heart. Only he…_

She never out rightly says she cared for him until after Tuor had arrived. Indeed the real story began the day of Idril's wedding. I thought is best to record her own words. The impulsive, love filled phrases of a elleth.

_When they wed today he stood by his uncle like a black omen. As they pledged love and fidelity in the sight of all Gondolin he stood blankly watching as he lost Idril forever. His hand rested on his sword hilt and he gripped the handle so tightly his knuckles were white and bloodless._

_I saw his hate for Tuor and his love for Idril grapple. Now her happiness was linked and bound to the life of Tuor. His death would only herald her own._

At this point it was not known that the death of a human mate could cause the fading of an elven woman. However, this seems like a logical assumption.

_Maeglin slipped away as quickly as he could, leaving the celebration that mocked his lost love. My heart bled for him. I followed him as he stalked through the empty streets like a lonely shadow._

_For a few brief moments he looked like his evil father, stooped and morbid. But Maeglin's shoulders were bent with grief not evil._

_I found him waking the coals of his forge and casting flames high with the bellows. He had cast away sword and cloak, working in his wedding finery diamonds glistening in the red fire light._

_A glowing metal band was plucked from the coals and he furiously began to beat it. Sparks flew where his hammer fell and the force of his labor shook his raven hair free from the ceremonial braids._

_With a resounding crack the band broke and fell to the ground with a dull metallic thud. He lifted his hammer and stared at it. Slowly one single tear slid down his cheek and he buried his face in his hands._

_I don't know how I ever dared to go to him, but I did. He knew me as I came and I was roughly drawn to his heart as all his grief was given release. His grasp was feverish and frantic as his lips claimed mine, scorching me like fire._

_The force of his passion consumed me and willingly I gave myself up to it. I knew that even as he made love to me that he thought only of her, but in that moment all was madness._

Madness indeed. In this unguarded moment Maeglin and Castiel bonded in marriage. This kind of marriage, by physical consummation only, is not unheard of and in times of great trouble this was accepted. But in times of peace it was regarded in a darker light. Interestingly enough, this was the same way that Eol and Aredhel, Maeglin's parents, wed.

"_It was a mistake." he said, "Tell no one." A swirl of his cloak and he was gone. I curled up in bed and while the sheets still held his scent I cried._

I have to stop here for the night.

_Dear Dínendal,_

_If you can find anymore letters similar to the ones you sent me, please, I need them. Itarildë is coming close to her delivery and I cannot leave her side. She would write but she says that the ink makes her ill. I hope Cirdan will return before the baby comes, he would be so sad to miss the birth of his first child._

_H.B_


	3. The Plot Thickens

**The Plot Thickens**

You must remember that this is a love story of strange circumstances. Elven love is nothing like human love, which is one of the reasons that there are so few marriages between the races. Of course, there are special cases and some that have never been recorded. However, in this story, there is a distinct human quality.

It would seem that Maeglin was satisfied that Castiel would never reveal their bond to anyone. Being mind blind prevents other elves from seeing any marriage bond in the eyes of the afflicted elf. Maeglin must have been very sure of his power over Castiel to merely say that he wanted it secret and know that she would obey.

Certainly he knew her more then she ever let on in the journal she kept. It is extremely unlikely that he would have bonded with just any elleth, and certainly he would not have risked rejection unless he was sure she would return his advances. So the blunder, if we may call it that, was made here.

If Castiel had been a stronger willed elleth and perhaps if she had loved Maeglin a little less she would have demanded that their marriage be made public. But she did not. In a letter to his companion Ecthelion, Glorfindel writes,

_Dear Ecthelion,_

_How goes the forging of those new swords? By the gods, I have never seen such beauty in blade in all my life. I stopped by Maeglin's forge to see them, and I must admit that you have out done yourself yet again. Have you noticed anything different about the dark elf lately? He seems preoccupied by something and there's a queer light in his eyes._

_When I mentioned it to him he nearly exploded with anger, there is something about him that I do not like. Of course, we are talking about a Dark Elf and so I shouldn't be surprised. My wife would like you and yours to come for dinner a week from today._

_G _

This is interestingly the only mention of a change in Maeglin's behavior and demeanor. It would seem that Eol's son was able to conceal his marriage from everyone else after the initial slip. But, what was unavoidable was the drawing power of a marriage bond; even those who fight against it find themselves returning to their mates; willingly or not.

_Today we passed each other in the street. I don't know what he was doing in the common square today but he was there. Neither of us spoke, but as our hands reached out and brushed lightly together. It is pitiful, I know, to long so for one who does not care for me, but I cannot help myself. I know he felt it too because I heard his breath catch in his throat. If he could only…but I will not torment myself._

Like Fëanor and Nerdanel before them, Castiel and Maeglin could not be fully without the other. Having once created the bond the couple enjoys the intimacy of knowing the other's thoughts, joys and sadness. This is reflected in a letter from Celeborn to his father soon after his marriage to Galadriel. It is uncharacteristically light hearted and symbolic of a newly married ellon.

_My Dear Atar,_

_I have never been happier then I am with Galadriel. You could not have prepared me for the bliss of marriage Atar. Every delight and concern is shared between us. Her laughter comes to me even if we are apart. How I love her._

_Celeborn_

In cases like Castiel and Maeglin's such continual communication must have been trying at the best. No doubt little slips were made where they reacted to the other's experiences. Normally this would be looked on with a kind of teasing sympathy but since everyone was unaware of their bond, it was a mystery. In Castiel's case it was considered with an amount of pity, as her family thought she was ill somehow.

Maeglin was a mystery plain and simple and only Turgon questioned him. It would appear that Maeglin, with his usual ease, deceived his uncle into thinking it was just remembered grief from his childhood. It would be supposed that they would be discovered, sooner, rather then later. But this does not seem to be the case with Maeglin and Castiel.

_He never told me that he loved or cared for me. Maeglin whispered no soft words or gave caresses. His was only fire that engulfed my whole spirit. But he is the master of concealment. His eyes are black and emotionless whenever anyone mentions Tuor or when he is with Idril's husband. My love's pain is so great._

The next we learn in this tale was from a bill of employment listing all the elves in the household of Maeglin, Prince of Gondolin. Near the beginning of the list is the name Castiel. We know this is the same elleth who was his wife because her next entry she writes of it.

_I am to go into service in Maeglin's home. King Turgon told us that his nephew was looking for maids to serve in the house. I am afraid that the King is deceived in thinking that Maeglin will take a wife. I know that is his hop, but of course, that is impossible now. I know that the chances of Maeglin ever calming me as his wife are very small indeed and so I do not allow myself the hope. I was unashamed to bear the pure black banner of his house…our house._

It is uncertain whether or not Maeglin asked for Castiel by name, but it might have been a good guess. Castiel was in the service of Maeglin for three years, during which nothing seems to have happened between them. Certainly, a few meetings were to happen. The rigid text states,

**_It is sure that the maiden Castiel was brought into the service of the Dark Elf for the very reason that they were bonded in marriage. Such a bond is so universally strong that they would have been in great danger of fading if they denied themselves the closeness that such a bond requires._**

I disagree with this for the simple fact that they rarely met. Castiel, a maid who was very open and honest about every encounter they shared, makes no mention of any special union during this time. It would seem that the few encounters that they had occurred during times of festivals and parties when mingling of all levels would have been relatively common.

Castiel would then be known by wearing the black garments of those in the House of Maeglin. This uniform would have been stark and ugly next to the greens and blues of Ecthelion and the golden red of Glorfindel. But she obviously bore it proudly. There is one tiny occurrence that took place a year after Castiel had been living and working in the household of Maeglin.

_I was tendering the lilies in the garden pond today when he entered it. We were quite alone in the house, but formality was normal between us. To my surprise he stayed and watched me work. His shadow played over me and he kept his silence. I became nervous in his presence for we almost never spoke. My pruning blade slipped and cut deep into my palm. _

_Deep, red blood welled in the wound and I cupped my hand around it to hide it from him. But before I could he had seen it and his hands closed over mine. A corner of his handkerchief served to bind it and his touch was gentle if strangely remote._

_"You should be more careful." He said._

_"I am sorry." I whispered._

_"Don't be Castiel; just be more careful next time." He said and held my hand for a long moment without looking at me. He then strode away quickly. _

In a later recording of this same meeting she mentions that he asked her about her comfort in the house. Showing amazing boldness she confides that she is happy wherever he is. All Maeglin replied was that if she was so content then she should remain in his home as long as she wished.

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I lay my pen down for the night; my time is consumed with this task. I also spent the entire morning writing a hideously long to Dínendal about the Havens. After having recounted every single thing I could possibly think of I am quite sick of the Havens.

But I received a box of letters and books from Lothlorien that no doubt contain further information. I have in my hands a journal of Lord Celeborn's and the happenings of Lothlorien for the last two thousand years!

HB

**The Last Temptation of Homer**I never give up on any of the stories I begin. However, some are put on hold if I don't feel inspired. I don't want one part of the story to be gold and the other to be a piece of crap. Please continue to send me your thoughts.

**Dumbledore's itch: **What a horrible name you have! I know that my story is gold so you should keep reviewing it! I would use a different screen name if I was you.


	4. It is Certain

**SongMaster : **You are a strange, sick little person. But do keep reviewing.

**The Last Temptation of Home...**** : I think that Maeglin is one of those characters that scare people away. After all, the flames from the reviewers here tend to be more harsh then other parts of the site. Please keep reading!**

**It is Certain**

About the time of Earendil's conception there came a kind lull in the relationship between Maeglin and his wife Castiel. They seemed to relate on waves of closeness and separation and for a while it seemed that they would be separated for good. Maeglin spent a good deal of his time in illicit mining against the wishes of his Uncle Turgon.

It is unclear why Turgon suffered this disobedience in his own nephew. Perhaps it stemmed from guilt involving his mother and the death of his father. We do now that Turgon never regretted the death of Eol Dark Elf, but he suffered deeply because of Aredhel.

In the time that Aredhel was under Turgon's protection, she was very unhappy and the cause is often thought to relate to the Feanorians. Aredhel seemed to enjoy a level of friendship with the fiery family that was only reached, to the same extent, by her elder brother Fingon. Aredhel learned to fight and ride and hunt with the sons of Feanor, and with Celegorm especially.

After the betrayal of the Burning of the ships Fingolfin kept a tight rein on the relations between the families and so for this Aredhel suffered. When she was under Turgon's protection alone she no doubt hoped for more room to do as she please. However, it is clear through many accounts that Turgon was even sterner in personality then his noble father.

Aredhel's subsequent disappearance and reappearance with a young son seemed to be the worst of Turgon's fears come true. When Aredhel died of poisoning he was sick with grief for nearly a decade. Only the appearance of Tuor to Gondolin seemed to bring him out of his despair.

But, because of this guilt that hung over his head, Turgon looked the other way when Maeglin roved outside his laws. I think it is a sad case of the pendulum theory. He went from a suffocating hold to barely any hold at all. Instead of maintaining a common hold on his governance with his family, Turgon allowed many things to go unnoticed and taken care of. The mining Maeglin did was just part of it.

_Today, Father introduced me to Tuor, the man who came with Ulmo's warning. I have never seen a man before, but I was struck with his nobility right away. He is not as fair as many of the couriers, nor even as strong as my cousin. And yet, something compelling in his rugged face pulls me to listen to him._

_He visited me today and I learned all of his life before he came to Gondolin. For so short a lived being he has seen nearly the same pain and horror as I. I feel drawn to him in such a way as I cannot yet understand._

_Idril_

During this time Castiel and Maeglin almost never saw each other until the Great Autumn Feast at which Earendil's coming was announced. It was a costume of the feast for each of the major households to compete in a dance. During the year each household would practice the art of a dance, something that the maids of the house took great delight in.

Each house would assign a dancing master to instruct the maids and great care and pride went into the preparations of the dance. The colors of each house would mark the dancers at the competition and the best performers were given a special place at the King's feast table. The year before this we know that the house of the Golden Flower had won because Lady Ariella, Lord Glorfindel's wife wrote of it with great pride.

_Not only have we cause to lift our heads at the noble house that we call our own, but we have succeeded in the winning of the dance! The maidens were more then beautiful in their gowns and they danced as Yavanna herself upon the hills of Tuna. My own dear girls wished to join but their father says next year. What a sight they will be when they join hands with the maids._

It was remarked that year that the house of Maeglin did not chose to compete. However, this year Maeglin did indeed encourage the women of the household to join in. His requested only that they should wear the house colors and silver only. Maeglin was known for his simplicity of garb and would have been heard to remark on the grandeur of the others gowns with contempt.

Castiel records the dance and the very important events of the evening in this entry.

_The great hall was a blaze of color! The blue gowned maids of Ecthelion mingled with the Sun colored mist of the Golden Flower, the pearly white of the Heavenly Arch almost made me wish to be back among them. However, I am proud to wear the black and silver of my lord's house. We have all tied up our hair in such a way as to let it down dramatically with the simple pull of a ribbon. It happened in the middle of our performance._

_We have worked every hard to make our dance unique, but I must admit it was strange. But when we whirled into movements and the weird music of the harp accompanied us it was breath taking. I felt Maeglin's eyes upon me and somehow I felt that he would speak to me that night._

He did, in fact, speak to her and even brought her home to his bed that night. It seems that even the steely reserve of the Dark Elf was overcome by the need to be with his bonded wife. She craved his touch and presence and in this time together they deepened the bond between them. After this time, Maeglin went less and less to the mines and it is almost certain that they kept company together much more regularly, if only in private.

When Earendil was born this notation was made in her journal.

_Tonight my love is tormented with grief. He holds me so tightly I can hardly breathe, but I cling to him and remind him over and over how I love him. He never spoke, but his tears fell on my breast when he wept._

The baby's birth was heralded with joy and curiosity. After all, this was the very first elf/human birth in history. He was carefully watched and cared for by his mother and nurses. Tuor, it seems, was unworried by the rapidity with which his son grew. To a human being it is normal to develop quickly; it is needful, because they must reach the age to reproduce at a younger age then the Eldar. Yet Idril was worried nearly to death when the baby began to get teeth before he was even a year old.

Among the Eldar, it is common for this to happen in the third or second year, but never the first. It was the beginning of Earendil's seventh year when Castiel and Maeglin had the critical encounter that caused the story to be told at all.

_I do not remember when I first felt that he wanted me, but I went as quickly as I could. He was pacing the room quickly, quietly and his eyes were fevered. He never even spoke a word to me, but claimed me in a kiss. His passion was purposeful tonight and by the morning I knew what it was. We were with child._

_He said would we make the union known publicly as soon as the gender of the baby was known. I am almost afraid to tell him that I can not even touch our baby's mind with my own. But I feel the little heart beat under mine and I feel as though everything will be well._

The next day Maeglin was taken on the hills outside Gondolin.


End file.
